


My Darkest

by Kai_Heartnet



Series: Bullets and Numbering [2]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Apparently communication is a foreign concept, Demeter is crazy, Emotionally-Constipated Deities, F/M, In a motherly kind of way, Mostly in Hades' Point-of-View, So it's a wee bit dreary at times, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Heartnet/pseuds/Kai_Heartnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was- is- the king of the Underworld. By all rights, he's just a fearsome as Zeus, and he was just as self-righteous. Hades considered himself impossible to love because he considered love impossible to give. There were too many chances to hurt and to be hurt, and he had better things to do than to nurse a broken heart. So of course when his heart fluttered at the sight of Persephone, he knew he would have to squash that emotion long before it grew into something more troublesome. If only it were that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hello! This is in the same universe as Wine and Sentiment, but they're usually in different time eras. It's just as drabble-y and not in any chronological order. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (This takes place during the first Spring.)

**_Spring_ **

The sky is a mesh of bruised purples and bloody reds streaked with darkening clouds, and I've never been angrier to see it. The sun is a pale thing somewhere out of sight, too afraid to face me now that I could do something about it. The world is afraid. I can feel it as easily as I can feel my own heart pushing and pulling blood through me. I'm just as angry at it. I'm angry at everything. I didn't want a tomorrow. I barely wanted a today. And now I'd see another. I'd feel another light breeze turn into a fierce hurricane. I'd watch as another grain of sand filtered into the unending pool in the hourglass, and I'm useless to stop it.

I want to scream, but I'm out of that kind of anger. The anger in me now is the kind that leaves you hollow and empty and _burning_. It's the only thing left to me, and I want to swallow it like it has swallowed me. I want to choke it out like a flame, but the anger in me needs no oxygen to burn. It just keeps eating away as I damn the sky and everything else because that's all I really can do. Despite all my power, all my strength, I'm helpless.

I damn it all and wish that it would damn me too.


	2. If It's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the tail-end of the first Winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this! This chapter isn't nearly as dramatic as the prologue. That is reserved for Summers and Springs. I hope you enjoy, and thanks Lils for the kudos!

**_Winter_ **

Persephone stood before me wearing a gown sewn by long-dead queens with too much time on their hands. It was the color of bleached bone but flowed like milk as she moved. Her skin had paled slightly due to the lack of real sunlight, but she was every bit as beautiful as that day in the clearing. Her silvery hair held tiny diamonds that were braided in with an intricate design, and they had somehow managed to curl a few loose strands to fall and frame her heart-shaped face. The only real color on her was the light blush that dusted over her freckled cheeks. She was so beautiful, my chest physically ached. She was worth so much more than this...

"You don't have to do this," I sighed, already waving Thanatos away. He had been _benevolent_ enough to grace us with a human form so that he could properly marry us, and I actually was grateful, but I couldn't force Persephone to sign her life away just for a shadow of freedom.

"I don't want to be under my mother's boot anymore," Persephone nearly growled as she grabbed Thanatos to keep him in place.

He was at first the color of paper, but instantly turned several shades of red as he registered Persephone's grip. The old ghoul normally hated physical contact- we all did in the Underworld- but Persephone had a way of crawling through such things. Plus, by every right aside from marriage, she was the queen of the Underworld, and no one in their right minds would challenge her. Especially in my presence. That didn't mean I wouldn't.

"You wouldn't be free here either. Not really. You would always be cold and you could never eat the food here... The dead aren't much for company, and I'll usually be busy. There's no real sun here. The only light you'll feel is what comes from Elysia. Is that the kind of life you want?" I glared.

I was condemned to this life. It was my place to watch over the dead and to ensure the balance between life and death. I was damned to live a life of darkness and solitude. I was used to the never-fading chill and the hollow halls. I was used to the emptiness. But that was after years of cursing those who sat in the sun. After hating everyone for casting me as the eternal villain. But I didn't want that for Persephone. I didn't want her to hate me.

"I don't care," she shook her head. "Besides, I'm not just marrying you to spite my mother."

To this, I raised a brow.

"Was it my stunning good looks that won you over or my extraordinary conversation skills?"

"I believe your acting talent, dear," she giggled before placing a gentle hand on my cheek. "I want to marry you, Hades."

"And if you regret it?" I asked, working hard to keep any emotion from my voice. I'd had plenty of practice over the years in that regard.

This time, Persephone placed a chaste kiss on my lips.

"I know where Thanatos sleeps."

I wasn't sure who that was a threat to, and it just made me more attracted to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known, I also know how to spell loneliness. And again, though the typo is irksome, it isn't so bad that I'll immediately go back and fix it. I'll just notice another blight days later. I much prefer to let them collect and fix them all in the end. I hope you enjoy this and W&S!


	3. Volcanoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the third Autumn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the kudos!! I didn't expect this to actually stand out, so thanks to all those who took the time to pause and read it!! I hope you enjoy!

**_Fall_ **

There was a time the stars would fall to their knees for me. I was denied nothing, but I wanted nothing, as well. Everything that could be claimed came easy enough, and it was a wonder I found her at all. I wasn't only the god of the Underworld- I was also the god of riches- and it was amazing that I saw a flower among the gold and diamonds.

She was royal in her own right. Not a queen- she was far too spirited to be considered that to them- but she was certainly a ruler. She ruled and reflected the beauty of the flowers and nature. If it weren't for Demeter's heavy hand, Persephone could have given Pan a run for his money. It was never my right to oppose her...

...but oppose her I did.

We were like volcanoes. I'd explode and she'd erupt and we left destruction in our wake. I wasn't used to someone else in my darkness. This world was mine, and I'd lived in it long enough to know it was as good as it was going to get. But we burned so beautifully.

Sometimes, we were like mountains. I was constant and she was docile, and we enjoyed the act. If nothing else, we were great actors. We had everyone convinced we were simple things, but nothing was ever simple with Persephone. We were volatile.

If ever the stars fell for me, they died when we touched. They burned out and we burned on, and we faked regret every time. She feigned being dormant, and I pretended to be a mountain, and Olympus rejoiced in the thought that we would never know real love.


	4. Silent Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long Summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day. Huh.

**_Summer_ **

It's nights like these that I feel it. The emptiness and the loneliness that I once welcomed. It's something that I was so used to that it would go unnoticed. Now I breathe in and listen for the comforting sound of her breathing out. She doesn't because it's not time.

I count each breath like an hour, and I wait for her exhale like a season. It doesn't come yet, and I wish I could suffocate. I wish there was _something_ to keep me from filling that space just so I could feel her absence more.

It feels like a sin to breathe without her, but I do. I sin, and I wonder when my damnation will come for me. Every exhale is a hell in itself, and I breathe in again, waiting for the end of a season.


	5. Paper Gods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a good bit before Hades and Persephone ever become a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who's left kudos!! Sorry updating is so irregular!

_**B. C.** _

I find it amazing, when I look around, how paper everyone is. Kings and queens who wear their crowns and give their commands, and they never expect their time to come. They never admit to themselves that no matter how high they climb, they will always fall to me. They reign so supreme and it is almost poetic how they waste away. Everything they are and everything they love eventually crumbles away like paper.

These worshipers, they're paper, too. They choose to dance around the subject of death, and instead they give offerings to the Sun and the Moon to bless their hands. They pray to clouds for rain, and they pray to sand for grass. They beg for sons and sacrifice their daughters, and they never once think they're stepping closer to me. Each breath brings them closer, and each second they grow older.

And they burn so fast, they barely notice. Humans fall away, crumbling against the harsh winds of life. It's so amazing how they continue. I could never admit to anyone, and I never will, but there are times when I envy man. Their ability to fold into something beautiful, and their ability to burn down until only ash remains.

But the Olympians are paper, too.

Behind Athena's wise eyes, deeper into Apollo's bright grin, pass Zeus' loud commands- under it all is nothing but paper fears. We're all so paper, and I find it amazing we haven't burned ourselves to cinders.


	6. Before Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the first Autumns.

_**Fall** _

Laying beside each other in the Fields of Asphodel, Persephone watched the petal-like ashes flutter above. Her smile is both beautiful and painful, and my fingers ache to touch it.

_Foolish._

I know it, and yet it makes no difference. Persephone is something new and amazing. She's pure despite being in my company, and I'm completely in awe of her.

"Do you think they'll make me go back?"

Her smile has vanished, replaced by a look so hollow, I feel that I've affected her more than I once believed. I sigh and look away from her because I don't trust my eyes. Eros told me that my eyes reveal the things that I don't say, and there's a lot that I will never say to her.

I sigh again, mainly to fill the silence that had gone from comfortable to heavy. She expects an answer, but I can't give her the one she wants.

"I expect Demeter is making quite the case. By the time she's through, she'll have the _world_ convinced that I've kidnapped you- or worse."

Persephone groaned before grabbing my hand suddenly. I tensed before eventually relaxing back onto the gray-black grass. When I finally trusted myself to stay stoic, I glanced at her. Her smile was radiant, and for a moment I couldn't breathe.

"Is the '-or worse' taking her daughter on dates to look at flowers made of ash?"

For perhaps the first time in history, I feel myself blush, and Persephone's smile has turned into bubbling laughter.

"This isn't a date..." I mumble, but Persephone's laughter continues.

It's easily the prettiest thing I've ever heard, and I wish that I could hold it.


	7. Death Would Wait for Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a Spring.

_**Spring** _

I should have stayed in the Underworld.

I'm a king. I ensure Charon doesn't drown every poor soul who doesn't know when to pay him. I convince Thanatos to walk Cerberus. I keep Tartarus the terrifying pit that everyone fears. I should have stayed in the Underworld.

But I remember eyes that express every emotion as clearly as her words, and a mouth that could break me down as surely as build me up. I remember hair that flowed as smoothly as the three rivers, and I remember skin that darkened in my absence. I remembered Persephone, and I couldn't stay in the Underworld.

It's because of her that I'm at Olympus, sitting just left of Zeus' throne and listening to Demeter try and break me apart. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't have her daughter's mouth. The same mouth that quirks up as Demeter calls me a liar and a monster. I glance over at Persephone, who is standing in the doorway and trying to hide her laughter. Her mother hasn't noticed her yet, and I avert my gaze so she doesn't. It wasn't fast enough, and Demeter turned to glare at her, too.

"Go back to your flowers, Persephone," she ordered.

I'm sure she didn't mean for it to be nearly as condescending as it did.

Persephone hesitated as we made eye contact, and Demeter's anger was nearly touchable.

" _Persephone_."

She turned and left, but not before blowing me a conspiratorial kiss that drove Demeter over the edge.

"She was _never_ like this before you took her!"

"I'm sure," I stated, keeping my expression blank.

Demeter looked like she was about to say something else, but Aphrodite chose then to enter, and the look on her face trumped the Demeter's rage. Aphrodite looked _excited_.

"Hades! It's been ages! You look- well, you look pale as usual- but you look good!" she beamed, literally pushing Demeter out of the way.

I stared the goddess of Love down.

"I was expecting an invitation, you know," she smiled as I stood.

Aphrodite was beautiful in a conventional way. She had green eyes that always glinted with mischief, and her scarlet hair was twisted in an intricate heart-shaped bun. She looked like the kind of woman that they immortalized on magazines- she _was_ the woman from the magazines usually. At least the muse.

"An invitation to what?" I asked, already wishing I was back in the Underworld and pining over Persephone.

"Your _wedding_! You didn't even come and thank me for pairing you two up!"

"You did _what_ , Aphrodite?" Demeter growled, and it's obvious from the other goddess' face that she'd forgotten she was there.

Instead of listening to them fight, I leave the throne room and walk the halls of Olympus.

* * *

I rarely saw her in the sunlight anymore. Usually when she ascended to be with her mother, I refused to follow. Every invitation to Dionysus' parties and every command of Zeus was ignored until Autumn. Her time in the sunlight was her own, and I never wanted to ruin it.

So as Persephone sat in a garden that paled against her beauty, I watched her from the shadows. I could wait until the end of a season.


	8. Travesties in Proportion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of a Winter.

_**Winter** _

 

I'm afraid, though I would never say it aloud. There was too much shame and too much pride within me to ever admit it. I had stared down Phobos himself without flinching, and even faced with Kronos, I'd never feared anything. But I feared this.

I was afraid of what I would become without her.

Persephone said that I would be fine.

I knew I wouldn't.

I never missed the cold that came without her.

I never missed the silence that came after every lost breath.

But I did miss the warmth of her hand on my arm.

I missed the tinkle of her laughter whenever she thought I was being melodramatic.

I missed _her_ , and she hadn't even left yet.

I told her that I would wither without her.

She laughed.

And then she kissed me.

"You'll make liars out of the both of us," she whispered before gathering the last of her things.

I could have lamented. I could have proclaimed just how wrong she was- because only one of us would be a liar.

She underestimated the darkness that filled her absence. She overestimated my willpower.

She laughed without me ever saying a word and repeated herself.

"You'll make liars out of the both of us."


	9. Winter's Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold thoughts and warm hands.

_**Winter** _

I wonder when I go, what will she know.

Will she believe the lies and scars I left behind? Will she try to follow me like I wish I could follow her? I do not belong in the sun no more than she belongs in the darkness, but it doesn't stop me from wishing that I could ask her to stay.

And I know she leaves to protect the world, but I am selfish in so many ways.

When she is in my arms, I want her to stay. I want to fight away anything that tries to take her. I could fight beasts and monsters, men and gods, if it meant that I could hold her for a day longer. But I know, especially when her warmth is sinking in, that I could never fight her. She would always win because I could never bear to see her lose anything she wanted.

For some strange reason she wanted me.

If I had nowhere to sleep, I could find shelter in her smile- and if I could not eat, I could have my fill on her laughter. She was every light within me, and all I could ever offer her is the coldness of my arms.

So many things tell me to let her go.

The world could survive if we never saw each other again, but I no longer think I could. If the day ever came when she had to leave and I had to stay, it would be the end of me. Because even when my shadow darkens her door, she never sends me away. She doesn't fear my touch- she doesn't fear me.

If it were me to leave, I hope she'd stay. She was so much goodness in a world that had long forgotten what that meant.

Persephone smiles at me so softly it hurts, and her warm hands wrap around my cold fingers. She asks me what I'm thinking about, and I know there is no way I could ever voice my real thoughts to her.

"Just wondering if humans enjoy the Winter's snow..."


End file.
